Starting Over at 43 – Why Staying Feels Harder than Leaving

Stuck In the Beautiful Woods

Over 8 years ago I purchased a home on 20 acres in the woods of Wisconsin. I’m very grateful for the property and the little house in the woods. The wild animals are my favorite aspect of living here – the deer, birds, chipmunks, squirrels, and a sweet little bunny who visits often. They’re curious, cautious, and quietly beautiful. When I move from here, that’s what I’ll miss the most – the peaceful mornings with all the animals around.

Trucking Along Life

While living here, I’ve managed to keep myself pretty busy. I work from home for myself and for several years, I also worked for a supplement company, which kept me very busy at the time. Eventually, I left that job to focus on my own projects and clients.

Working has been my way of passing the time while living here. It’s extremely isolated where I’m located – far from people, stores and basic services. Accessing medical care or vet care for my cats often takes an hour or more of driving one-way. Many people who live in rural areas can understand that, and although it’s become a norm for me, I wish things were nearby.

If I’m Being Honest

If I had to describe my life here in one word, it would be isolated. It took me several winters to adapt to it and eventually accept it. I stayed busy with home projects, DIY work, and YouTube, and those things helped pass the time. For the first few years I really struggled with winters and wanting to move, but I adapted and eventually I accepted that this is my home.

But, on and off I’ve explored other options outside of the states and in the U.S. – places that felt safer, more accessible, more connected. I even considered moving to a 50+ community for the sense of structure and nearby amenities. But housing prices were high, and I stayed put longer, investing more into my home and land instead.

I didn’t realize how much time was passing. By staying busy, I avoided seeing how stagnant things became. I wasn’t unhappy exactly – but I also wasn’t truly living.

The Old Me

I grew up in a very unstable home with alcoholic parents and I witnessed a lot of violence. I learned early how to take care of myself. I thought I had gone through it all alone as a child, but I later realized that God was with me and taking care of me through it. My childhood made me a very independent person. I think it’s also part of why I stayed here so long. I wanted my son to have the stability of this home base, which is something I didn’t have growing up.

As a kid, I started working at a really young age. I was always resourceful, and always entrepreneurial. At 16, I became an exchange student in Thailand through the Rotary program. At 18, I joined the Army as a journalist. Later, I worked as a civilian contractor in Baghdad.

Life was an adventure – and when my son was young, we lived in Thailand and Malta while I worked remotely.

What Changed Everything

Around 2010, my family and I experienced carbon monoxide poisoning in a rental home in Wisconsin. That event changed the trajectory of our lives and greatly impacted our health.

Before that, I was very healthy, motivated, and deeply engaged in my work. I had built a successful online business over the years, wrote a marketing book that did very well, and mentored others in online business, web design, marketing and SEO.

After the poisoning, my health changed in ways I couldn’t fully see at the time. It had a cascading effect on all aspects of my life.

Education Saved Me

Due to the struggles I was experiencing after the poisoning, I decided to use my G.I. Bill from the military and go to college.

It was challenging, especially with lingering memory issues, but it was also incredibly healing.

Forcing my brain to stay engaged helped me recover, though it happened slowly. I loved the structure, the learning, and the social environment – even though most of my classmates were much younger.

Where I’m At Now

I wanted to share a little background so you understand where I’m coming from and where I’m heading.

I’ve decided to move to Japan.

This wasn’t a sudden or impulsive decision. It’s something my family and I have talked about seriously for over a year. There’s a narrow window of opportunity, and we’re choosing to take it.

The process is difficult, demanding, and intimidating. Nothing about it is easy. I’ll share more of my honest thoughts on this in future videos. The process to move there with my cats is very difficult.

The Why

Life is incredibly short and I want to be truly living and experiencing life to the fullest. When there, I will immerse myself in the language and culture. I will also seek out a Christian church community, even if services are fully in Japanese. Christian faith is very rare there, and because of that, those communities tend to be very close.

There are many things I’d love to do there and many tentative plans that I have – depending on how things go. I will rely on God to help us through this whole situation. I can’t pretend to know what God wants for me, but I know that a loving parent wouldn’t want their child to stay in the situation I’m staying in by living here. There is so much more that I would love to share with you about the process and prep work, but I will do that in future videos on my Life & DIY Youtube Channel.

Updates & More

Originally I was only going to share my Japan updates on my second channel, Holly More, but I’ve since changed my mind. I plan to post updates about my life and journey on Life & DIY. I might later use the second channel to create travel-related content about Japan, but I think the content on my personal journey will remain on Life & DIY.